My guest blogger Llama Punch shares her advice on overcoming anxiety and recognising your own self worth and inner magic.
Not too long ago, the realization hit me that I had become incredibly guarded and reserved; a chronic over thinker - a walking advertisement for anxiety. In fact, as I took a good long hard look at myself, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I had been me. Somewhere along the way I had lost myself and, the saddest part was I wasn't even sure when, where or how it happened.
I used to be the person that didn’t care what people thought. I was proud of my goofy and weird personality. I would army crawl through the mall; ducking and rolling behind fake ferns as I crept up on unsuspecting victims. My cousin would watch from a distance laughing so hard she was crying. I would chop my hair off without a second thought, wear what I wanted because it made me feel good regardless of what was “fashionable”, talk with a horrible accent to complete strangers, run topless through a cornfield (okay, maybe that one shouldn’t happen again), and randomly break out my awesome dance moves (the cabbage patch, the sprinkler, Hammer Time!). When I ask my friends what they remember about me, they have the best stories of me just being me and we always end up laughing so hard we almost pee our pants. I just lived in the moment and didn’t hold back.
In time, the carefree hippie who lived in the moment and let things happen organically got replaced with the cookie cutter version society found “acceptable”. I found myself in image-based relationships and unable to stand tall and proudly unique under the judgmental eye of those around me. Suddenly, every move I made, every word I said and everything I did was analyzed and taken before a jury to be deemed acceptable or not. I was forced to suppress and contain me. As the years passed, I began to bury that free spirit deeper and deeper until I had forgotten it ever existed.
I began to fear making decisions and taking chances. I didn't want to make the wrong choice and suffer the consequences. As a result, I would stumble around in a state of self-made purgatory unable to move forward but refusing to go backward. I sat lost in a dark pit of indecision with a shell of a person I no longer recognized.
A couple of years ago, something started to stir and awaken in me. At first, I wasn’t sure what it was…it was scary and exciting…and at the same time familiar and comfortable – like slipping into an old pair of shoes. Then suddenly I found myself knocking the dirt loose and unearthing the spirit that had been dormant for far too long. I stared into the uncovered treasure chest at a woman who had been lost to me for over a decade; a woman that laughed without restraint, was spontaneous and goofy, and who saw life as a great adventure just waiting to be had.
I was reminded that every decision we make in life comes with risk. Not doing something has just as much risk as doing something. There are no guarantees. If I am not guaranteed tomorrow or even the next hour, why wouldn’t I live life to the fullest? Why wouldn’t I take those risks, take the leap, embrace the unknown and throw myself into something that, at least for the moment, feels amazing?
It’s time to let my hair down and be free again. It’s time to stop worrying about whether I fit the mold and instead break it and blaze forward uninhibited and unrestrained. I remember that woman I used to be and, oh, how I have missed her! She was beautiful, imperfect, quirky and weird. She was magical. This is who I am.
There is a belief that happiness comes with things. The truth is the acquisition of things only leaves us wanting more things, but when we are genuinely happy and content with being our truest and most authentic selves, that's when the thirst gets quenched and the hunger gets satiated. Be vibrant, be colorful, be unapologetically you and you will attract the right and highest vibes for your life and that, my friends, is some kind of magical.
To read more of Llama Punch's fabulous writing check out her blog here.